Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
