I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
