if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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