i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
