duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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