I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
