I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
