You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
