The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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