so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
