Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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