thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
