I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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