I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
