I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
