Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
