FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
