What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
