I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
