I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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