I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
