I think I died a long time ago.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
