I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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