Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
