Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
