I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
