but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
