I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
