R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We got so high we made milksteak
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
