Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
