We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
