Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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