Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
