a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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