Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
