So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
