dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So much Jack, so little girl.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
