The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
