North Korea, Best Korea!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
