I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
