can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Randomize
