Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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