he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
