you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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