In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
