At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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