Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
