Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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