you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
