Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
