in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
