made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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