I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize