every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
