Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
