I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
