if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
