Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
