nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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