u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
