I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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