why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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