I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
