that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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