I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
