I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
