Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
