She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
