and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
