I bet he comes in French.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
