i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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