Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
This girl is more easily done than said...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
