I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize