I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
