funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
