Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
