called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
