Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
