I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
