I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
