eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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