His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
