matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
