Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
