I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
