she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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