the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
