So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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