capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
