I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
