What a fucking waste of an outfit
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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