I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
